Actress That Plays Vanessa From The Queen Of Flow "Seeking Drama Free Woman" – Placing This in Your Dating Profile Is the New "Red Flag"

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"Seeking Drama Free Woman" – Placing This in Your Dating Profile Is the New "Red Flag"

An observation I made recently has come true, the majority who call ‘hate drama’ are the biggest drama producers. I hear Facebook statuses like ‘I hate drama’ or ‘I’m getting rid of drama in my life’ posted every day. What exactly does this mean and why do the same people who create drama claim to hate drama? Can they hate drama because it is always present in their lives by their own doing? Scrolling through online dating profiles, my friends and I noticed a large number of men who mentioned ‘seeking a drama free relationship’ or ‘drama free woman’ in their profile captions. When we see this on a guy’s profile, we immediately skip. We hear ‘I don’t want to work for a relationship’, ‘I don’t want to try to understand’ and ‘I lose women because I don’t want to communicate’. So, putting ‘no drama, please’ in your dating profile has become the new ‘red flag’ in dating. We see this as a possible sign that this man is unwilling to accept blame or resolve conflicts through honesty and working on the relationship. So, you don’t think this is fair? Is it any less fair to label every woman who speaks her mind and demands respect and honesty a ‘drama queen’? In its original meaning, I believe the term ‘drama queen’ was used to describe someone who sought attention. A dramatic person is loud, obnoxious, confrontational and unreasonable. A drama-queen/king is someone who doesn’t consider other points of view and who isn’t willing to accept blame. This person will easily ‘fly off the handle’, make irrational decisions, involve others in conflict and try to recruit a team in their favor. These are the phone friends who recruit someone to ‘side’ with them within minutes and often distort the facts. A drama-queen/king believes that the issue at hand is important to everyone and will stop at nothing to prove them right, and may resort to crying out loud to gain sympathy when all else fails. Gossippers would be an ideal candidate for the label. They talk about everyone’s business and what they think the world should know – be the center of attention because they know everything there is to know about everyone. However, if your life is constantly filled with what you label as drama, maybe it’s time to consider your own contribution to the chaos. A relationship without conflict is an unrealistic expectation.

So, how has ‘seeking drama free women’ become the new ‘red flag’? When we see this in your profile, we consider that it could be for the following reasons: (Don’t shoot the messenger, it’s for your consideration)

1) You are a non communicator. While the woman tries to discuss her feelings, you are not quite ready to discuss or admit the problem. You accuse her of being oversensitive. She is very disappointed that you won’t accept her feelings. She gets louder to hear it. Her verbal frustration is labeled ‘drama’. Women should be heard when something feels wrong. She needs to know that you are willing to compromise to prevent these bad feelings from recurring. If you don’t try to listen and don’t react like ‘you’re over-reacting’, ‘you’re just crazy’, ‘that’s immature’ the result will be an emotional reaction. You have mislabeled it as drama.

2) You are disrespectful. (Especially with members of the opposite sex in which you are blatantly flirtatious and toss her aside when someone more attractive appears). Maybe you make overly sexist comments that put women down. You spend more time making her jealous of the attention you give other women than you do paying attention to her. You will raise a green monster and label it a misplay.

3) You are a man of mixed messages: a man who says one thing and his actions reveal another. Mixed messages lead to conflict and confusion. I’ve seen men tell women all the sweetest things, introduce them to family and friends, then tell everyone you’re ‘just friends’. Friends, this adds to the conflict that many now call drama. Save yourself the drama and be honest in all your dealings.

4) You play games: We all know the ‘fun withdrawal’ games. You don’t return texts or return phone calls for days, and when her emotional buttons are pushed, you claim ‘I was busy’ or ‘I’m not putting my phone down my *bleep*’ (yes, I’ve heard that. ) . The latest form of ‘withdrawal’ games involves ‘Facebook absence’. We see men shower with attention to other women; ‘Liking’ their statuses, flirting, ‘liking’ photos and then deliberately ignoring their ‘love interest’ (even when they post directly on their wall). We are not so naive; We are angry that you are trying to manipulate our feelings. You may achieve your goal of pulling her in for a moment, but eventually, when we try to ‘call’ it, you call it ‘drama’.

5) You define normal conflict resolution as drama. If the slightest contradiction is considered drama, you probably don’t want a real, meaningful relationship that requires work. In a relationship, the elimination of conflict increases as we learn more about each other. Generally, it follows a pattern, a natural flow. When you date someone, you may have bad feelings. If it doesn’t feel right to you, it should be addressed honestly. Saying how you feel without attacking someone should not be labeled as drama.

6) Not realizing that you are just a drama maker. If you refer to every woman you date as ‘crazy’ or ‘drama-queen’, we’ll assume you’re pushing her buttons for any of the above reasons. You’d be shocked if every woman you date is a ‘drama-queen’. Again, don’t shoot the messenger. Of course, there are men and women alike who thrive on conflict, conflict, and drama. We understand that many men don’t really want ‘drama’, as defined earlier in the definition. Learn to distinguish between an honest conflict solver and someone who wants to drag everyone into the situation. But, think for a moment if you say you ‘hate drama’ maybe you are creating a bit of drama not with your own communication skills, lack of honesty or unwillingness to work through conflict.

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